I can relate

Random Thoughts........

My Wasband is hooking-up.....

I've been guilty of all 7 deadly sins and I'm not even Catholic.  Why do I even know that? 

I wish more women (especially me) look like Joan Holloway from Mad Men.

I kinda want cable so I can watch Extreme Couponing and even Googled how to become an extreme couponer (OMG you would be amazed by all the sites/blogs dedicated to the art of couponing.)  I LOVE me a good deal!!!!!

I have an appointment tonight to get my hair's ripped out and debating if I should just "go for it". 

Biggest Loser

I totally watch the Biggest Loser.  I'm motivated and inspired by the show (pretty much just in my head), and disgusted with myself and feel guilty at the same time.  I love the purple girls.  They are so smart and so nice and so genuine and so beautiful.  I could relate to almost everything they are saying.  They are my age - early 30's.  And though I'm not in the 200lb range .... yet.... but the what they talked about, and how they felt, it's like they were speaking out of my head.  When Olivia talked about always starting strong but then always giving up? That’s me! When Hannah talked about living in fear and living in the background of her own life? That’s me!

Like Olivia:

• I always start strong. Always. Weight watchers, exercise, organizing, eating organic/local, cleaning out the closets, yoga, returning to school, keeping the apartment clean, healthy meals, being more spiritual, more active, etc.

• I always give up.

• It’s a constant battle of starting and giving up. I rarely finish. I because so obsessed with the process... the tracking... the results.... that I completely lose sight of the goal.  I get so wrapped up in spreadsheets and scales and I over-analyze, over nit-pick, and beat myself up when I slip up and fall short to the point that I'm so miserable, I just give up. 

Like Hannah:

• I’m afraid to do things on my own. I want social validation from family members, from friends. I want people to help me. I become a victim. I can only exercise “if someone helps me.” I can only eat healthy and smaller portions “if my Jeremy is eating like that, too.” I pride myself on being independent, but then I'm not.  I don't eat or work out independently.  I need someone to do it with me....someone to help me.....someone to hold me responsible or accountable. 

• I have many heroes. Some of them I have come to resent because of my own jaded jealousy. I have friends with good paying careers, which allow them freedom to do so much, to buy so much, to live lives that I envy. I have friends running marathons and and I can't seem to run a 5K again (even though I’ve run one already and actually had fun).  I have friends who were hard core, pack-a-day smokers, that have quit.  I have friends that are just so at peace with their lives.  They are happy.... happy with their significant other, happy with their home, their friends, their family, their job.  They don't seem to have this sense of longing or that they are missing out.  They don't care they've never been to Europe or they have lived in the same city their entire life or they never graduated from college. 

• The longer I live, the less confidence I seem to have in my abilities. I can’t figure out why.  It seems to me, that the longer I live, the more I see my mistakes. My confidence and wit is slowly dying. I don’t trust myself. I pride myself on being strong and independent but sometimes I feel that is a big joke and act. How can that be true, when there are so many things I want to do and want to change and I can't seem to take the first step... or when I do, I can't seem to continue down the path?   

Last night I stayed home. It was the nicest day we've had here.  It was beautiful, sunny and warm.  The sun was out and it was light out until almost 10PM.  Yes, I got some stuff done around the house, made dinner, did the dishes, etc.  But everything was done by 8PM.  I could have went for a walk, or a bike ride.  Or just sat on the balcony instead of in front of the TV.  I justified it because we have guests coming, and was making up for all the vegging out we'd be missing while they were here.  But I felt guilty the entire time, I mean, not guilty enough to DO anything about it. 

I’m not sure how to fix it all. Granted, I know nobody is perfect –nobody has it all figured out.  The numbers on the scale haven't really moved, but I swear I'm getting bigger in  my mid section and gaining more chins.  I hate the way I look.  I hate the way my clothes fit.  I hate the way I feel.  I have nothing but time here.  As busy as we are, I know I'm not too busy to get active (thought I'm the most active I've EVER been, which is a whole other frustrating post).  I don't utilize my lunch hour.  I don't need to rush home right after work to make dinner at 5 or 6PM just to sit/lay on the couch bitching that the sun is right in my eyes as I'm trying to watch tv. 

I'm going to 3 weddings this year.  I bought 3 dresses from H&M on super sale.  I bought Mediums, because I was just starting WW and I had high hopes of losing all kinds of weight.  Well, that hasn't happened.  (On a side note... there are 3-4 people in my office that have actually STUCK to their resolutions and look amazing).  Now, it's not too late, I can still get my ass in gear and DO something.  One of the weddings, I'm in.  I just ordered my bridesmaid dress. First my measurements were disheartening.  Second, I know that my dress size is at least 5 sizes bigger than everyone else.  I will look like a beast next to these other girls.  Many of them are a size 2. 

I'm not really sure the point of this post.  It's just me whining I guess.  It's acknowledging there is a problem?  I guess that is the first step? 

I thought about signing up for one 5K a month to keep me motivated and focused. I enjoyed the

I just need to pull the trigger and register.  But I really need a new pair of running shoes in order to start training - let the excuses begin.  Ohio City 5K that Jerm & I did last summer.

I already have 3 in mind that I want to do in June,  August and September.  But I really need to get a new pair of running shoes before I start training.... let the excuses begin!!!

She works hard for the money, so hard for it honey

Big news all....I gots me a new jobby-job!  :) 

As you may (or may not) know... my current job left me much to be desired.  I LOVE my manager, and my co-workers but quite honestly have been bored out my effing mind for MONTHS.  Mortgage is just a tough sell these days, I know the LO's are out there pounding the pavement, but it hasn't equated much work for me (other than printing color copies of fliers and such, as I'm the owner of the color printer).  FUN.  NOT. 

SO, with very little thought and effort, I applied for some new jobs - just throwing my resume out there, seeing it would snag any one's attention, just killing a little time. Well, it snagged a couple companies attention right away.  Yesssssssssssssssssssssss.  I mean, I guess that means my resume is impressive enough for a call back.  I'm concerned that my resume TENDS to be a little on the long side...and a little wordy.  So, of course it was a ego boost to get such a immediate response.  I applied for jobs for months and months while living in Cleveland trying to find something in Seattle, so it's good to know it was the fact that I lived out of state and not my work history.  

I want to avoid being TOO detailed.  So here is basically what I said via text to my girls: 

Opportunity #1:  Client Support Specialist with CB Richard Ellis
Had ad interview this AM.  I want it really bad.  They seem cool.  The office is awesome & I would be challenged.  They are young, and fun, and busy.  Little more $$....office is downtown (I could walk)... marketing and sales supporting commercial real estate brokers.

Opportunity #2:  Operations Administrative Assistant with Redfin
Other phone interview went well.....another cool company.....downtown..... I could wear jeans.... way more administrative.....another phone interview tomorrow....longer process.... Supporting CEO and Vice President. 

So my new position is a "Client Support Specialist" for CB Richard Ellis supporting 2 Commercial Real Estate Brokers (who look to be about my age) with sales support and Marketing.

I'm excited to be back downtown (and I can walk to work). The office overlooks the Sound and the Market. I'll be right downtown in the hustle and bustle, hopefully around young people so I can meet some people to hang with.

I resigned Monday and I start June 1st. 

The Times They Are a-Changin

I have A LOT of exciting news.  Unfortunately, none I can share.... quite yet.  Sorry kids!  I don't make the rules. 

But there is hopefully good news to be shared all around......and soon!  

I just realized

I LOVE ellipses - like a lot.  Of all my blog posts, almost every title has them (one) and I would imagine that every post has at least one instance. 

According to wiki - "When placed at the end of a sentence, the ellipsis can also inspire a feeling of melancholy longing." 

That sounds about right.....

She's Crafty.........

She's crafty - she's gets around
She's crafty - she's always down
She's crafty - she's got a gripe
She's crafty - and she's just my type
She's crafty........

So my mom will disapprove of this next statement, but "I am bored out of my effing mind".   There is NOTHING going on a work.  But that is NOT what this post is about.... what have I been doing with all this time at work??   Well, I've looked at wedding blogs, recipe blogs, sewing blogs - just to name a few and now I'm on to crafting blogs.   Why?  Well, for Easter this year, I found a idea to mail plastic eggs full of goodies to my friends (kids) back home... and it was a success.... and I got good feedback, and it made me feel good, so now I have the gifting bug!  I can't get enough.  And with Mother's Day coming up, I want to send all my GF's a little something-something so they know how much I miss them and I'm thinking of them. And honestly, even if I have to buy a TON of supplies, if I can stick to it, it would still probably be cheaper than a weekend to too much time on my hands aka going out and spending obscene amounts of money on food and/or drinks. 

But, I don't want to disclose anything here, as it will ruin the surprise.  Also because I want options....because like the sport of snowboarding, I think I like the IDEA of snowboarding WAY more than the actual ACT of snowboarding....and crafting very well be the same way!  So I need to keep this on the D.L. until I find something that works..... and I get them into the mail........... 

The biggest love(s) of my life............

Guinness (aka) Nerds

Maximus (aka Mers)

I'm obsessed with weddings...........

When a couple gets engaged the first thing I think of is the wedding - not the marriage, not "to death do us part" not whether they are a perfect couple, but the party.  Oh, and all the little, nitty-gritty details:  The dress, flowers, dj's, centerpieces, rings, bridesmaid dresses, color, theme, locale, food, traditions, invitations, cake, favors, etc. etc. etc.  SERIOUSLY.  OBSESSED. 

It started when my very first friend got married when we were like 20!  We weren't even 21 years old, and had her bachelorette party in Canada.  She didn't give a rat's ass about her wedding and me and her mother planned the entire thing.  I was hooked. 

My brother got engaged and I started a folder of ideas of what I thought their "theme" should be or what their "colors" should be.  ECO CHIC 

Yes.  Obsessed like that. 

And when Miss P just casually mentioned she might want to get married someday....these are my thoughts on that:

FIREFLY BEACH

 

I will admit that I wanted a wedding MORE than I wanted a marriage.  That is not to say I didn't love my ex-husband very much.  I did.  I do.  And I'll always carry a special place for him in my heart.  I sincerely wish it would have all turned out differently.  But my number one priority at that time, was my wedding.  I've never been so happy, ever, as I was planning my wedding.  It didn't hurt that I had a job I loved and I was living in my "dream house" and I just got a freaking diamond ring!  And my boyfriend of 5 years asked me to marry him.  FINALLY. 

Now, I wasn't SO over the top like these chicks on Weddingbee - though I'm obsessed with them and that site and I'm totally inspired by them and their ideas.

So even though having my own wedding.... knowing how it took over everything, knowing how I lost sight of what was really important.... knowing what a waste of money (some it of) it was.... I'm still infatuated with weddings.  Going to weddings.  Planning weddings.  Attending weddings.  Being a part of weddings.   Reading wedding blogs.  The little stupid details.  And it's weird to me, that though I'm sometimes bitter about marriage and I'm not sure I believe in the tradition and the values, and I'm unsure if I will ever get married again - I still can't get enough of weddings.  Though I know I already had my "dream" wedding, I can't help to imagine and pretend what my "next" wedding will be. 

Crazy, right?  I totally think so! 

In the mean time, I am volunteering my skills to anyone who is planning on getting married in the future (hint, hint).  I need an outlet.  I would be THRILLED to help put together an inspiration boards or advice or ideas.  PLEASE HELP ENABLE  MY WEDDING PORN ADDICTION!!!  That way I don't feel like such a weirdo. 

Love this.... and shared it with JDoll....who I'm honored to be IN her November 2011 wedding..... 

My absolute dream job (if it the hours were better and I didn't have to deal with crazy bridezilla's) would to be a wedding planner.  Sigh. 

Less than 24 hours until the Royal wedding.......  Mmmmmmmmm more Wedding Porn! Too bad I don't have cable or a dvr, so I'll be kicking it old school and getting up at 4AM to watch it live!

Don't tell me NO!

I'd much rather ask for forgiveness than permission. 

I've lived by this motto my entire life.  If you want me to really care about something, tell me I can't do it, and I'll never want it more. 

I think I find pleasure in pushing the boundaries of rules and expectations.  I don't take kindly to the "man" or "authority" especially when it's something I really want or feel strongly about.

This goes back to being a unruly child.  My mom grasping on to me with both hands, not wanting to let me go.  The fact that she didn't much care for my friends, made me love them and want to be with them even more.  Even though they bullied me, attacked me - physically and emotionally, made me cry, etc.  I was so freaking loyal to those girls.  I almost sacrificed everything for them, to hang out with them, for them to be my "friends" and like me.  This fucked-up-ness is ingrained deeply in me. 

I cannot stand being told I can't do something or my wanting to do something is wrong or inappropriate in some way, shape or form. 

Especially something I feel really passionate about, that I honestly believe deep in my bones and in my soul.  It is imperative I learn the hard way.  I will never take your beliefs as my own.  EVER.  I will never take your advice over what I think I already know. 

Bottom line is this......... for the most part, I'm a reasonable person....... But I don't like being told no, and I especially don't like being told no for half ass, insecure, petty, immature, close minded reasons.  

I deserve MORE than the average person.  I give more, and in turn expect more. I hold myself to a higher standard, and expect others to do the same.  That is because for the most part, I am a good friend and a good person.  I'm very loyal, very honest, very real.  You get no shadiness with me.  There is no alternative motives.  I give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt and when you are friends of mine, I will look at you and your intentions through rose colored glasses. 

That is not to say I'm perfect.  I'm not.  I mess up like everyone else.  But I won't be malicious and I try to avoid it and don't make a habit of it. 

When I commit to be your friend, or more, I require that I'm trusted - even in situations that I might not have 100% control of.  But the fact of the matter should be that I'm a smart person capable of making smart decisions. I very rarely make a decision without getting feedback or a second opinion from other people.  I care very much about what my close friends think.  People who are very close to me.  That care about me and are honest with me and would give me their true thoughts and opinions.  My decisions should be respected.  They are usually made with much thought and consideration. 

Super Secret Date Night.........

I'm planning a super secret date night for Jerm on Friday..........

It's going to start at a place in Capitol Hill - seriously, this weekend alone like 10 people have mentioned this place or have asked me if I've gone there, and I haven't.  So I'm stoked. 

Then we will be busing it over to another neighborhood that we have spent next to NO time in for a special event. 

This will be our one main splurge this week/weekend........since we are recovering (physically and financially) from having visitors this past weekend

Depending on what the weather is doing, we may hit up the movies... as I bought a Groupon/Living Social coupon-type-deal forever ago and there is a new Robert Pattison movie out...... 

The ABC's of Me

A. Age: 32


B. Bed size: Queen


C. Chore you hate: FLOORS!  Don’t do them anymore – ever! Good thing I live with someone who will. 


D. Dogs: LOVE! I incredibly miss my dogs.  My absolutely favorite thing was snuggling my Guinness.  I want a dog sooooo freaking bad.  So bad.  Apartment doesn’t allow them.  Total bummer.  


E. Essential start to your day: Matt Lauer.  I need a job that starts AFTER the Today Show!


F. Favorite color: PINK.  So cliché!  


G. Gold or silver: Sliver.


H. Height: 5’8 1/2”


I. Instruments you play:  skin flute….KIDDING.  I don’t even do that.  :P


J. Job title: “Mortgage Office Administrator” during the day.  


K. Kids: Furry four legged kids Guinness & Maximus but they live with their dad in Cleveland.


L. Live: Seattle!


M. Mom’s name: Linda McDonald (formerly Marie) Post


N. Nicknames: JP, Postal, Post, JPizzle


O. Overnight hospital stays: Cat bite…. My hand got infected. 


P. Pet peeve: Everything…. Ha ha ha….  Text “talk”: not spelling out words, not using punctuation or capitalization when communicating electronically. Basically, using bad grammar.  It’s soooooo lazy! 


Q. Quote from a movie: I can quote all of The Breakfast Club.


R. Right or left handed: Right.


S. Siblings: Derek – 30 and Jordan – 12 or is it 13?  OMG, I’m a horrible sister.


T. Time you wake up: Depends…. I SHOULD get up at 6:00AM for work, but it’s usually more like 6:30-7:00-7:30AM.  The weekends, I try to sleep in… it’s usually by 9:00AM though.  


U. Underwear: BOYSHORTS.  I used to splurge on Hanky Panky’s… now it’s whatever free pair Victoria’s Secret is giving away.


V. Vegetables you dislike: Cilantro – I don’t have the taste receptor.  Not crazy about root vegetables (radishes) or dark leafy greens like Chard.  


W. What makes you run late: Could be anything…..for work, it’s usually me getting distracted watching the Today Show.  


X. X-Rays you’ve had: Back.  I supposedly have mild scoliosis.
 
Y. Yummy food you make: I love, love, love to cook, so I would say at least 80% of the stuff I make is yummy!


Z. Zoo – favorite animal: Monkey’s and Sea Lions/Otters though I really like Cheetah’s too.  I love most animals.

Date Night

So I totally stumbled upon this blog today, and I'm so excited!  It's right up my alley!!! And I'm only a tiny bit jealous I didn't think of it first!!! 

I plan on elaborating in the future (soon) about the importance of "dating" after you've been dating for a while.  I really think that it can make or break a relationship.  And dating doesn't neccessarily mean spending money.  It's about making your relationship and quality time with your significant other a priority. 

This is a total half ass post.... sorry guys.... I'm running out the door and I wanted to get this out here.

Cleveland ROCKS!

I love my hometown of Ctown!  Of course there are things that are totally lamers about it, but I think that is true in any city.  I love Cleveland and being from Cleveland.  I wear that LOUD AND PROUD.  I will never, ever cheer for any football team but the Cleveland Browns.  Never.  Ever.  Got it?!  There are some really sweet things going on in the city formally known as the "mistake by the lake".  The restaurant scene for one.  Um, hello, I'm overwhelmed by all of my choices when I go home in September.  I can't freaking wait!!!! 
Anyways, I digress - though some claim The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame sucks - Cleveland's concert scene rocks.  Seriously..... 

I've been in Seattle for 7 months.......I've seen a handful of shows..... and they've all be dud's.  Don't get me wrong, they weren't bad...the acts have been good for the most part....but the crowds are duds.  They don't dance, they barely move, they don't yell or cheer or scream........ There have been a few times that I actually felt bad for the band.  Not to mention if you are a legal adult that wants to knock back a few brewski's - you are corralled off - usually away from the stage.  What.  The.  Hell.  So if I want to have a beer while enjoying my concert, I'm not getting a prime view.  And if I want a good view, I have to be sans drink?!??! 

2 prime examples of how Cleveland has way cooler, crazier, better, wilder, louder fans: 

Sleigh Bells at the Grog Shop vs. Sleigh Bells at the WaMu Theater.  SB at the Grog is  in my top 10 of all shows - for sure.  As soon as the Slayer intro started, it was mayhem.... awesome mayhem... it was so crazy that I was seriously paranoid that Chel Belle (REALLY?!?!  FLIP FLOPS TO A CONCERT) was going to sustain a broken toe - no joke.  But there was dancing and singing and cheering and it was a sweaty, sweaty, awesome mess.  So when they showed up on the Deck the Hall Ball line up, I was so excited.  Yes, there were 5+ bands, yes, it was at a bigger venue, yes the show started at 4PM, but still, I thought for sure everyone would go crazy when they took the stage.  So not the case.  So disappointing.  It was like no one in Seattle (or at that show at least) has HEARD Sleigh Bells... which is ok... but I don't know how they can hear the music and not move.  I felt bad for the band.  Really bad.  Embarrassed for them actually.  If that happened in Cleveland, I would seriously never expect them to come back...... 

Deftones at Cleveland's House of Blues vs. Paramount Theatre. I love me some Deftones.  And we are all getting up there in age.  The band and the fans.  Chino can't scream the way he used you.  I've probably seen them 6 times since the 90's.  The last 2 shows in Cleveland were at the House of Blues.  But I can tell you this...if you were on the floor in Cleveland, it was a mosh pit.  No doubt about it.  You would have been swept up in a sweaty crowd that was jumping, moshing, thrashing, crowd surfing, etc.  Not here....  I mean, it worked out, because I had a decent view without having to get my ass kicked.  The venue itself is really sweet.  But it was pretty mellow compared to um, ALL the shows I've ever been to before.  And when they walked off before the encore... I'm surprised they came back out.  The crowd wasn't (in my opinion) really telling the band they wanted them back out.  Maybe the band is used to this coming out of Seattle.  In Cleveland, the crowd would have been louder and there would have been more energy for sure. 

I have to say I'm SHOCKED that the grunge scene was born here.  What happened to all those people?!?!?  In general I'm disappointed with Seattle's concert vibe. I'm coming to terms with it, but it has NOTHING on Cleveland. 

EPIC FAIL!!!

I'm not going to go on and on about this topic, because A.) I'm sure I already have before, sometime, somewhere, maybe here.  And B.) I'm sure everyone can relate to what I'm about to say....

But I just thought it was interesting to share, that though I learned A LOT from Weight Watchers, about my poor eating habits, and successful ways to be (eat) healthy (I won't even say lose weight, because - who really cares - well, I guess I do, but that's not the freaking point), I'm back to my old ways of skipping breakfast, not planning ahead, and eating crappy foods, which in turn is making me feeling like crap.

Today's food journal: 

• Grande Starbucks Bold with half & half  & 2 Splenda's.  Two things on this:  I've successfully switched to non-fat, but it was empty and I didn't have time to dick around this AM, so I used what was there.  And I know I need to get off the artificial sweetener, it's on the list.  But I do not like the taste of real sugar or even sugar in the raw in my coffee.  It's too sweet.  It's great in ice tea, not a fan in coffee.  But I was also not a fan of non-fat milk, but I successfully made that switch, except for today. 
• A Cuties Clementine - which might have been a little bigger than a golf ball
• Small bag of Cool Ranch Doritos - I've been craving these, like forever.  Last time I was at Subway, they didn't have any.  I don't buy them for home - so I couldn't help myself. 
• 1 ballpark hot dog (probably with nitrates), in a whole wheat bun and yellow mustard.  It was tasty, considering it was cooked in water in a crock pot.  Wouldn't be my first choice in cooking it, but it was at work.
• 1 ice cream sandwich.  Which was effing delicious. 

(P.S. We had a baseball themed lunch to kick off this Home Run Derby Application contest)

Now, it' 2:23PM...and I'm freaking starving.... I mean, look at the list above, I think the golf ball sized piece of fruit is the only thing on the list that can be considered real food.  I'm starving because the rest of the crap I ate, was fat, and I got no nutritional vitamins or nutrients.  So, now what? ... all that is left in this office is more freaking crap....wait hold that thought.... just checked my drawer and came up with a Progresso Light Beef Pot Roast Soup - SCORE.  But still, it MIGHT last me until the end of the day, in which then I'll go home and rifle the house for more crap to hold me over until Jerm comes home from his class at like 8 or 9PM and we'll shovel something into our face before rushing to the Deftones concert (yay!).

But really, Jen?  How many times have we been down this road?!

Some examples of what's wrong with everything..........

A look at the world's new corporate tax havens




Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, Public Radio and PBS all crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401Ks, took trillions in TARP money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses, and paid no taxes? Me neither

Why I Support J. Crew's Controversial Pink Toenail Ad

If God wanted the races to mix he’d have made everyone the same color. This is just a defiance of God’s will. If a woman lies unto a beast the beast shall be put down- Leviticus 20:16

Food, Inc. exposes America's industrialized food system and its effect on our environment, health, economy and workers' rights.


Each day, the United States is responsible for 25% of the world’s oil consumption, despite holding only 5% of the world’s population.


Planned Parenthood under attack, again

Weight (Not)Watchers......

So I officially threw in the towel..... I cancelled my Weight Watchers membership (effective May 2nd).  I didn't think that $140 for 4lbs over 3 months wasn't a good return on investment.  I was disappointed with my last weigh in (+ 1) on March 23rd. I just felt like I was throwing money away.  Even when I really tried to stick to my weekly points.... I went over.  Even when I thought I did good with the tracking and was very active, I still lost a minimal amount (if any).  I was frustrated - as I'm not a patient person.  So, I gave up tracking, it's been a week and a half.  I blew off last week's meeting/weigh-in for the first time since January. But I went tonight.  Jerm wasn't around and my reminder when off and the bus stop was right there, so I figured, "what the hey".... and I was a little bit curious.... not to mention I was SURE I gained.  I seriously figured I was back to square one. 

Annnnnd............. I lost 1.8lbs???  For a total of 6lbs since the first of the year.  Go figure?! I'm totally at a loss....  Not that I pigged out.  I've yet to indulge in my dozen chicken wings, dipped in ranch, with a pitcher of Bud Light.... but I did eat pizza (twice) and chicken paprikash & dumplings.  So when I don't watch and I don't track and don't stress and don't worry and don't feel guilty - I lose???  I mean, I guess I'm doing it the right way.... about a .5lbs a week...  they say slow and steady wins the race.  But it's taking freaking forever. 

I can't tell AT ALL.  I don't look different, I don't feel different, nothing fits different. Ugh!  I seriously look fat.  In my face.  I have a double chin... without trying..... without forcing my face down into my neck.  It's sooooo disturbing. 

I was really active though....  I walked about 6 miles a few weekends ago....and did maybe 4 miles this past weekend.  I'm just concerned that I walk so much already, that it doesn't much matter.....  Like I have to pick up the pace.  Do cardio.  Run.  Sweat.  Boo. 

I bought 3 dresses this past winter.  They were on super sale from H&M.  They are all glamorous, long, low-cut, to the floor, dresses that I want to wear to my upcoming weddings this summer/fall.  They are all Mediums.  They all "technically" fit.... but spanks will be required.  I want them to fit, fit.  I don't want to wear spanks.  I hate wearing spanks. They are uncomfortable and restricting and makes it hard to pee.  But I don't want to feel uncomfortable with knowing that you can see the outline of my stomach.... of my rolls.... of my gut...of my muffin top....  That is even worse. 

So I'm at a loss.  I feel that I've learned all I can so far at WW.  If I continue to go and pay, I'm paying for the meetings - which means I'm paying for the support.  I'm not sure if I need that.  I usually have a really bad attitude at the meetings.  I'm jealous of people or are thinner than I, I'm annoyed with people who are all "rah-rah" about it, I'm jealous of people who met their goal, I'm jealous of people that this actually seems to be WORKING for, that it's easy for them.  So I usually have my arms crossed with a scowl on my face.   I do like weighing in.  But I have a scale at home.  I want to continue cooking WW friendly recipes and meals.  I plan on continuing on filling at least half my plates with fruits and vegetables.  I still plan on paying attention to portion sizes - my body has been helping with that.  I know when I over did it.  And I need to get the butter out of my house! 

I plan on listening to my body...and paying attention....and making good choices.....and hopefully I'll keep plugging along....  0.5lbs at a time.  :)  Hopefully I'll start seeing and feeling the results!!!  That's the best motivation.  And I need it!!! 

So that's my "rah rah rah sis koom bah"

Mad about you....

Just got notification that Mad Men Season 4 discs 1 & 2 are in route......

This crappy weather is perfect for a few all-night MM marathons.......

Fire up the crockpot and pull out the flannel pj bottoms.....

Meet you in my dreams........

This was the man in my dreams last night.....

Seriously.....

We were totally making out.....  like hard core....

Damn you Entrourage!!!!!!!!!!!!

Won't you be my neighbor?

Jerm and I have been casually looking at buying.  We really love our apartment, but really eventually want to upgrade to a 2 bedroom (planner in me is always 2 steps ahead).  I also love our neighborhood, but a 2 bedroom in Capitol Hill, will run you $1700-$1800/ a month.  For that kind of money, you can totally BUY!  So, with this thought process and the fact that I have a lot of downtime to screw around on the Internet at work, I was casually looking to see what's out there. 

And we found these views:                  

Awesome right?! So I sent the link to Jerm with the subject line "If you loved me, you would buy me this"...  Ha ha.  I was kidding.  But, we drove by it.  And then weeks went by and we kept mentioning it and commenting on it.  It was priced considerably lower than the other listings on the street.  So we had to know why - so I emailed a realtor to get the scoop.  Well, it's a short sale - blah, blah, blah - and then we made an appointment to look at it. 

It was a cute little cottage looking house...on a cute little one way street with amazing views of the sound and a double-decker deck.... need I say more??? 

And then the wheels start turning:  First, the price is at the tippy-tippy top of our price range (Actually, I didn't even know that it was IN our price range.  We are from the Midwest.  We aren't familiar or comfortable with these kinds of prices). Second, I did the numbers and I think the LOWEST payment we could get was double what we are paying now. That's doing a ARM. Can we do it? I'm sure. Will we be happy doing it? I don't know. Will it be worth it in the long run? Maybe. It would be a lot of work (and $$) up front. We both would need to take hefty loans against our 401K's. The minimum down payment would be 3.5%. But the upside is we'd get an amazing property that will instantly have equity the second the housing market turns around. We would be living in something we would otherwise never be able to afford, and there are amazing views. This may be our ONLY opportunity to be able to purchase a single family home in the city of Seattle. Everyone we casually mentioned it to said we should do it, because it's a good investment and now is the perfect time to buy. On one hand I feel like it's a situation that it's worth making the sacrifices to be able to afford it, on the other, I'm afraid that it's a lot of work and then we'll just be stuck in the house with no money. There are so many what ifs.... what if the housing market doesn't come back, what if we can't sell it when we need to, what happens in 5 years and the mortgage adjusts. But then again, it's an opportunity to potentially get some serious cash. It's listed for LESS than the land is even worth. I mean, look at those views! If we buy this house and if the market comes back, we can be sitting pretty. But those who know me, know I'm not much of a risk taker. I worry too much. But then again, it's bigger than our apartment, we could have a dog, we would have a 2nd bedroom for not much more than we'd be paying to rent, and we'd be building equity.

Next step - see if we an get pre-approved, and what do you know, somehow.... on paper, we look like we could actually afford this property.  WHAT!?!  BUYING A HOUSE?? IN SEATTLE? Less than a year after being here?

Anyways, I'm dragging this whole story out....It's just I didn't actually discuss this with anyone because honestly I felt silly. I just have a Midwest mentality.  People from the Midwest making our money don't buy houses with those views in those price ranges.  I didn't want people to talk....."Did you hear JP and Jerm are buying a $X dollar house in Seattle?!?!?!?  They haven't even been there a year.  It's too soon.  They are rushing into things.  That's a big commitment.  They are going to kill each other (or more likely JP will kill Jerm)".  As you can guess, most of those comments were going through my own head already.  And yes, it's a problem that I give a crap about what anyone else says or thinks. 

I digress..... So,  with our pre-approval letter in hand, we put an offer in on the house.  But it was a short sale, so we knew it was going to be a process. 

Two weeks.... no response from the bank.... But I got a text from the realtor last week. The house across the street from the one we have an offer on came on to the market at the same price (wait, I totally thought we were getting a deal on the one since it was a short sale?). A total fixer in rough shape. He thought we should know. He said it's a weird floor plan but great views. He said it would take a lot of cash to fix but it's not on such a critical slope. The short sale one hangs over a cliff.... seriously.... one earthquake and who the heck knows! I mean, the house has been there since the 1900's so it's got to be somewhat sturdy. This new one seems MUCH bigger. Exact same views, but there is a yard. But it needs a lot of work. A LOT. So, we had to look at it. 

And it was hilarious. Nothing has been updated since the 1960's... seriously. The kitchen was painted a BRIGHT day-glow orange and the appliances were old. Everything about the house was old, old, old and you could tell old people lived there and possibly died there. There was potential.... it was HUGE and there can be a lot done with it, but everything needed to be done and everything needed to be updated and replaced. There is no way we could swing that - even if we got the house for $100K less. NO WAY. I couldn't live in it as is, and it would have took years and years and close to $100K to get it where it needed to be.

So, while we were there, we looked at the house we put an offer in on, and we just didn't feel as strongly about it. As much as we still like the house, and totally can see ourselves living there, we just think there are too many "what ifs" for our comfort level. There seems to be a black mold issue in one of the bedrooms and there is no real way to access the back of the house because it's on such a slope. Then there are all the talks of earthquakes. We aren't comfortable with all the unknowns. Plus there seems to be all kinds of title issues, which is why we haven't heard anything from the bank. They need the ex husband to sign off on some stuff and he's refusing to cooperate. It just seems like a nightmare. So we withdrew our offer.

But the realtor wanted to show us another option, in the same price range, and so he showed us these BRAND NEW Townhouses that were a REO (basically the bank took them back from the builder who got behind on their payments). I don't usually like new construction, I like old things, real hard wood and character. But these were sooooo nice. SO NICE. Everything was brand new and clean and modern and we could move in with out having to do a thing... no replacing the roof, or working on this, that or the other. Master bedrooms with walk in closets and master baths.... skylights, breakfast bar, stainless steel appliances, gas fireplaces, etc etc etc. And there were still views!  You can't really tell from this picture, but they over looked the ship canals between Queen Anne and Ballard. 

He wanted us to see what the same money could buy us. Same neighborhood. Still had a view.

But...we decided to wait. As much as we liked these townhouses, I just feel like we are rushing into it. We want to take the summer off and just enjoy our first summer here without being financially strapped by a mortgage. We have a few trips planned and lots of friends/family coming to visit and it's just too much to think about. We have a visit to Cleveland planned in September, and we will start thinking about buying again after we return. We just want our first summer in Seattle to be fun and carefree. Our realtor was really good, and really opened our eyes to what is possible in the city. We know that those REO townhouses will probably go fast. And as much as we really liked them, I'm not really sure the timing is right. I think the main reason I was so "ok" with the short sale process is that I knew it was going to take months and months. So, we are just going to hold off. We need to really have a summer here to play. We have to really decide what our priorities are in a house. Jerm keeps talking about a yard, and as much as we liked the townhouses, there was still no yard. We are hoping that prices stay low and something else will come up, or prices will continue to drop over the summer.

I think we are good where we are for now, and we are just going to enjoy our first year, our first summer and our first apartment!!! I know Jerm is anxious to get some roots down here, but I see no need to rush and add all that pressure, especially with everything else we already have planned. 

GFY

Where's Kitty when I need her? 

I need a good GFY..... 

I'm not having a particularly bad day....nor am I annoyed with anyone - I just keep thinking of the letters...and what they represesnt.... and the specific way Kitty used to say it.... sometimes over and over and over again......The sound bite is burnt into my brain.   But when I think of GFY.... in either context.... I think of Kitty..... and of Pumpkin.... and of Punk Rock Friday.... at the 5 O'Clock.......  It was one of the funnest random nights out EVER.  ChelBelle will know what I'm talkin' about!  I have the perfect picture for this post... but seeing this is my work computer, I don't have access to it.  Dammit. 

Context A.)  Goooooooooooood For Yooooou.
Context B.)  Go F*ck Yourself!

She's said them both....and either saying is magic. 

Bored out of my f@&*ing mind........

Kill.  Me.  Now. 

Terrible 32's

I'm embarrassed to admit, that I've become really whiny lately. 

I've caught myself whining, stomping my feet, pouting, having tantrums when I don't get my way, and talking baby talk. 

I honestly don't know how this happened.... I don't remember ever doing it before. In general I think of myself as a strong, independent woman.  This behavior is the exact opposite of that.  I think I did it once, somehow got the impression it was cute, saw I got my way, and now it's becoming a habit!  And Jerm is on to me.  I'll ask him to give me the remote when it's on the table right in front of me.  Or to change the radio station when I'm in the front seat right next to him.  I whine comments like "buuuuuuttttt Jeeerrrrmmmmmm........" and "I don't waaaannnnnaaaa". 

I think I'm most worried that I'll behave that way in front of other people!  Like, I'll be in the comfort of my own home and I'll have a visitor, and I'll unleash my inner 2 year old.  Eek!  I hate children that act like that.  Let alone grown-ass women acting like children! 

I need to nip this in the bud ASAP.  How does stuff like this become habit?  Why can't I form some good habits, like drinking lots of water and flossing daily?  Why are my habits always bad - like whining and smoking and leaving my shoes in the middle of the floor?  I mention smoking because believe it or not, I don't believe it to be an addition for me - but a habit.  I don't NEED to smoke; I have no symptoms by not smoking.  I could go days/weeks/months without a cigarette......and I don't get cranky, I don't have insomnia, I don't overeat (I just do that anyways).... until I drink.... and then I crave a smoke.  That first sip of beer gets me every time.  I can go days without smoking and easily smoke a pack in a night.  It's disgusting.  I know this, but it's a habit.  Kinda like whining I guess.....  

On a Mission....

I’m on a mission for a Starbucks Gold Membership Card.  

I’ve lived in Seattle for going on 8 months, and I was just made aware of this very special card 2 months ago, and though I purchased the gift card that will be my ticket to gold last Friday, I just registered my card today.  Doh! 

I go to the same store every morning.  And no one has ever said anything to me about this… is this supposed to be underground???  On one hand, I'm excited because it seem "elite" and on the other I'm annoyed I was never informed of this program. 

Anyways, basically, if you buy 30 drinks, you get gold status which includes a free stuff.  I love free stuff.  And I currently buy a minimum of 25 cups a month - so at that rate, I should have had this card MONTHS ago.  

All I know is that when Miss P whipped out that card when she was visiting, and it was shiny and gold and personalized with her name, I knew I had to make one mine.  

Yes, I know this is an expensive habit.  I’ve tried to make coffee at home.  I’ve even bought fancy Starbucks Coffee beans.  It’s not the same.  There is a whole science to making coffee – and I don’t have the time or patience for it.  Plus I have a really hard time investing in a $240.00 machine.... yes, yes, I know, if you do the math... but still..... 

sar·cas·tic /särˈkastik/

sar·cas·tic Adjective /särˈkastik/

Synonyms:
adjective: mordant, biting, cutting, acrimonious, snide, sardonic

Marked by or given to using irony in order to mock or convey contempt

• sarcastic comments on their failures
• she's witty and sarcastic

I tend to like very bitchy women. I find myself most attracted to smart, sarcastic, bitchy women. ~ Lea DeLaria

Quicky Rant

Face To Face & Strung Out

Showbox at the Market, Seattle, WA

Fri, Jun 17, 2011 07:30 PM

Section

GA

Description

PRICE LEVEL 1

GENERAL ADMISSION SEATING

Type

FULL PRICE TICKET-21 AND OVER W/ ID

Ticket Price

US $20.00 x 2

Convenience Charge

US $9.20 x 2

Additional Taxes

US $0.46 x 2

SUBTOTAL

US $59.32

Order Processing Fee

US $5.65

Standard Mail: Allow 10 to 14 days for delivery

No Charge

TOTAL CHARGES

US $64.97

Really Ticketmaster?!  REALLY?!?!

Why music lovers hate Ticketmaster, part 4,981