Don't tell me NO!

I'd much rather ask for forgiveness than permission. 

I've lived by this motto my entire life.  If you want me to really care about something, tell me I can't do it, and I'll never want it more. 

I think I find pleasure in pushing the boundaries of rules and expectations.  I don't take kindly to the "man" or "authority" especially when it's something I really want or feel strongly about.

This goes back to being a unruly child.  My mom grasping on to me with both hands, not wanting to let me go.  The fact that she didn't much care for my friends, made me love them and want to be with them even more.  Even though they bullied me, attacked me - physically and emotionally, made me cry, etc.  I was so freaking loyal to those girls.  I almost sacrificed everything for them, to hang out with them, for them to be my "friends" and like me.  This fucked-up-ness is ingrained deeply in me. 

I cannot stand being told I can't do something or my wanting to do something is wrong or inappropriate in some way, shape or form. 

Especially something I feel really passionate about, that I honestly believe deep in my bones and in my soul.  It is imperative I learn the hard way.  I will never take your beliefs as my own.  EVER.  I will never take your advice over what I think I already know. 

Bottom line is this......... for the most part, I'm a reasonable person....... But I don't like being told no, and I especially don't like being told no for half ass, insecure, petty, immature, close minded reasons.  

I deserve MORE than the average person.  I give more, and in turn expect more. I hold myself to a higher standard, and expect others to do the same.  That is because for the most part, I am a good friend and a good person.  I'm very loyal, very honest, very real.  You get no shadiness with me.  There is no alternative motives.  I give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt and when you are friends of mine, I will look at you and your intentions through rose colored glasses. 

That is not to say I'm perfect.  I'm not.  I mess up like everyone else.  But I won't be malicious and I try to avoid it and don't make a habit of it. 

When I commit to be your friend, or more, I require that I'm trusted - even in situations that I might not have 100% control of.  But the fact of the matter should be that I'm a smart person capable of making smart decisions. I very rarely make a decision without getting feedback or a second opinion from other people.  I care very much about what my close friends think.  People who are very close to me.  That care about me and are honest with me and would give me their true thoughts and opinions.  My decisions should be respected.  They are usually made with much thought and consideration.